Wednesday, January 16, 2013

For All The Prodigals (and those that love them)

This post is written to both the prodigals running from God, and to those who love the prodigals.  It is not directed at any one person, but is a response to a heaviness on my heart for all those who are standing for their marriages, and it is my hope that you can gain a better understanding of what may be going on in the heart and mind of your lost one.




"You can change who you are."

Do you believe that?  Really, deep down, to the depths of your soul?

I didn't.

For seven years.

I wandered in my own desert.  One that I had created by hiding beneath a mound of sin and shame.  I built my walls and I shut people out.  Oh sure, on the surface, most people couldn't tell.  I even managed to fool my husband, as lie after lie poured from my lips.

I spent seven years living this way.  Telling lies, hiding things, and pretending that I was perfectly happy in my marriage.  If you ask my husband, during those years, he thoughts things were OK between us.  Sure, he knew there were times I was unhappy and things that I wanted that he didn't give me, but overall, he would have given our marriage a 7 out of 10.  While I was rating my marriage at a 1. 

I resented him.  I was angry with him. I was hurt.  I hated that he chose images of other women over me.  I hated that he didn't compliment me unless prodded.  I was bitter that I had to seemingly force him to build me up with words.  Words of affection are the love language I speak, and he was anything but fluent.  That was a large cause of my discontent with him.  But beyond that, his addiction ate at me.  It tore me down and made me feel like I was nothing.  Like I would never be enough for him.

Long before I crossed that line myself, I was worn.  How many of you are feeling this way RIGHT NOW in your marriages?  Read these lyrics below to a great Tenth Avenue North song called "Worn."

I’m Tired I’m worn
My heart is heavy
From the work it takes
To keep on breathing
I’ve made mistakes
I’ve let my hope fail
My soul feels crushed
By the weight of this world

And I know that you can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart
That’s frail and torn
I wanna know the sun can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn
Cause I’m worn

I know I need to lift my eyes up
But I'm too weak
Life just won’t let up
And I know that you can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart
That’s frail and torn
I wanna know the sun can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn
Cause I’m worn

My prayers are wearing thin
And I’m worn
Even before the day begins
I’m worn
I’ve lost my will to fight
I’m worn
Heaven come and flood my eyes

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart
That’s frail and torn
I wanna know the sun can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn
Cause all that’s dead inside will be reborn

Though I’m worn
Yeah I’m worn

Can you relate to that?  Are you weeping right now, because those lyrics describe exactly where your heart is?

You're so tired and weak and ready to just give up.  You're ready to throw in the towel and just be done.

Let me say, that as a prodigal, if someone had given up on me, I would not be where I am today.  I would not be experiencing the joy that comes from a healed marriage.  I would not have experienced Christ like I did on Good Friday, and honestly, I may not even be alive today.  Your prodigals NEED you.  They need someone to keep praying, keep hoping, keep waiting.

If you don't, who will?

So, where does that leave you?

You're left with hateful comments from spouses who profess to want nothing to do with you.  They tell you that they hate you, or they never loved you.  They tell you that they want to be free.  They tell you that YOU are the reason everything went south.  Or they tell you that they just don't care.

Knowing how a prodigal thinks, all of those words spewed at you are simply a reflection of how they see themselves.  I would venture that the majority of prodigals out there feel worse about themselves than they project upon you.  The guilt and shame will eat at a person, until all they can do is lash out at those who love them the most.  They have hardened their hearts and built their walls to keep anyone who shows them Christ's love out.

Because the truth is, if the prodigals were to come face to face with Christ's love, they would understand that their actions are just plain wrong.  They would have to face the weight of what they have done.  They would have to acknowledge how deeply they have hurt those around them, and for some of us, it is not only terrifying but the shame is immense.  We feel so guilty and as if we can never be forgiven.  A prodigal doesn't understand that you love them unconditionally, and certainly not that the Father loves them unconditionally.

I can say this.  If my husband had thrown in the towel when he was waiting for me to come back to him, it would have communicated that he did NOT love me unconditionally, which would have further implied that God too was incapable of loving me that way as well.  

So please consider that, when you feel worn down by what you are facing.  Consider what it will communicate to your running spouse if you give up now, after assuring them that you would stand, no matter what.  There are three songs I have been hearing all week that I wanted to share with you, and I hope you hear what God has to say to you through them.  Because I believe that these are from him.  I believe that the writers of these songs MUST have understood this struggle.  Any good song is written from experience, and so I believe that these songs were written from broken hearts, healed only by God's power.

The first song is for all the prodigals.  For those of you who have turned your backs on God, maybe decades ago, and you think that all that you have done is just too much.  That you've gone too far beyond the reaches of God's love.  It's just not true.  I can't make you believe it, but I can pray that through this song, and through God's love (and your spouse) reaching out to you, that you will take His hand in faith, and believe that you can change who you are.



These next two songs are for those of you left behind.  For the ones who are hurting and crying out to God, wondering WHEN He will bring your spouse home.  Please listen and be open to God here.  He wants you to hear this message, and understand that it is only in His arms that you can find true rest from your weariness.



Exceptionalistic


The Alabaster Jar

6 comments:

  1. Thank you for linking up with Into the Word Wednesday. Such a real, raw post. Thanking God for His power of transformation, redemption, and freedom. There is hope in the Lord. Saw your post over at Kelly's too. Good stuff. No. Great stuff. New follower here.

    Falen
    www.UpwardNotInward.com

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    Replies
    1. Thanks for reading along! I hope to have time this weekend to check out the other posts!

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    2. I have been standing for my prodigal wife (married for 30 years) for 6 months now. I have not seen her or talked to her. No contact at all. Even from my children.

      I gave her the divorce she wanted and now I will stand.

      Thanks for this post, it means so much to me. I wish Kris would post some of his experiences.

      God bless

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  2. I believe I can change, it is just SO hard to. Thankfully God works miracles and can do amazing things with a willing heart!

    Thanks for linking up with us this week!
    http://talesofbeautyforashes.com

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    Replies
    1. You're right. It is very difficult, but also, I think the willing heart is the key. That tender, responsive heart, instead of a stony, stubborn heart. That's what God can give us, and that's what God will use!

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  3. Hi I found you on the Blog hop. Now following you. Please stop by and say hi when you get a minute.
    Please check out my new Weekly Goals Blog hop. You can find it here. if you would like to check it out.
    http://lenettacarnes.blogspot.com/2013/01/weekly-goals-linkup-3.html
    Have a great evening! Lenetta

    ReplyDelete