Tuesday, January 15, 2013

All of Me

While at work last week, while I had Google music shuffling, I heard Matt Hammitt's "All of Me."  I shot Kris a quick chat, to share with him how grateful I was that we were together, and tears welled up in my eyes and I had to just say "I love you.  I can't talk about this right now."  I was at work, and I have only been there three months, so a complete meltdown at my desk may not be a good sign of emotional stability!

Then the next day, as I was sitting in my van, reading an e-book about sex of all things, I found myself on the brink of tears.  I can't explain why that should move me to tears, and as I tried to understand what I was feeling, the closest I could come was that perhaps I was just grateful once again for Kris and everything that God has done in our marriage these last 10+ months.

This week I have received several emails of encouragement, where women have heard or read my story and are finding hope.  So, while sometimes some may consider what I share to be too much, I know that I am doing what is right, what God has called me to.

Since the first night that Kris and I heard Hammitt's song "All of Me," one line has stayed with me.  Each and every single time I listen to that song (which is a lot), I think about the truth in these words:

I can't give you half my heart and pray He makes you whole.

How long did Kris and I do that very thing?

We gave each other only half of our hearts.  And in the meantime, we were in our own little world's praying that God would heal the other person.  Doesn't make much sense now, in retrospect.  In fact, sometimes I feel downright foolish.  But as the saying goes, "Hindsight's 20/20."  Sometimes you need to be out of a situation before you can see it clearly.

I watched a video today that I found on the Intentionally Standing Facebook page last night.  It's called "Modern Day Prodigal Son" by Brantley Gilbert.  This got me thinking about a post I've been pondering for a while, talking about what it was like to be the prodigal.  It isn't that I think prodigals would actually read it, especially if they don't consider themselves prodigals.

I think, more than anything, I want others to read from firsthand experience what goes on in the heart and mind of someone who has run from God (and their spouse/marriage), specifically someone who is in an adulterous relationship and feeling like there is no way out.  So, be on the lookout for that, as I want to sit down and really write through what went on my my mind and heart.  Tomorrow I'm guest posting in two different places, so I'll put those links up when I get them.

For now, I want to leave you with this amazing song about love and commitment.  Even if you are living apart from the one you love, longing for them to come back home, consider your part, and what you can do to give all of yourself to that person.  God sees you.  He hears your prayers.  He is right beside you, waiting to welcome your loved one home with open arms.

The lyrics are in the video.  Please watch it with an open heart and keep fighting for your marriages!

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