Sunday, December 31, 2017

Safe vs. Good

I am sitting in church this morning, thinking about a million different things. In the midst of all the thoughts, something broke inside of me. Something that needed to break. 2017 was probably the busiest year for me. I can't remember when the last time was that I felt so busy. And I'm not just talking about work or things I had to do.

My heart has felt busy. 

Distracted. 

Distant. 

As I reflect on the events of 2017, I realize that it is the first time since 2012 that I've allowed my heart to wander.  Not to another person, but to, really, anything but God.  

He's there. But I've not been seeking him. 

I've been feeling this tugging for several months now. Something telling me I'm not in the right place spiritually. I'm in no way where I was 6 years ago when I was still trying to run from God.
But I'm also not where I was 5 years ago, when my heart was tender and I was always running to the feet of Jesus. Little by little, as it always happens, we allow life to get in the way. 

It was a difficult year for me, personally and professionally.

Sunday, July 16, 2017

Learning to Rest

I've been sitting here for an hour writing, deleting, writing again.  I've been trying to work through my own bad habit of taking on too much.  Professionally.  I get about 5 paragraphs in and decide it's not really what I am wanting or trying to express.  So, here we go again.  We'll see if this sticks.

I was determined this morning, since Kris has forbidden me to work this weekend, to write again.  To try to get back to what I have always loved - this blog.  It's therapy for me, really.  And by neglecting it, I believe I am neglecting my own mental health.

Saturday, June 3, 2017

Don't Be Afraid Of The Valley

Finally, TIME.

Kris and I took a week off of work (June 1-7).  This time was so needed.  We are in day 3 of our staycation.  The kids are traveling with Kris' mom and our "puppy" is in good hands with a friend.  While funds are somewhat limited, we have saved some up and chose to stay home and chill, sprinkled with a few outings here and there.  Ultimately, we just wanted some time to not think about work.  To not stay in the chaos we so often live in.  We wanted to be intentional with getting away from the pressure of what has become a daily struggle to do what we can to ensure that the company we work for succeeds.  As an added bonus, we also are taking this time to celebrate 18 years of marriage (June 5).  This time off has provided me with nothing but time.  Time to recharge my mind and heart.  Kris is still sleeping, so I am taking advantage of the time alone to reflect and finally write again.

Wednesday, February 22, 2017

An Explanation and An Apology

I know it has been at least nine months since I've written anything.  A year ago, I went back to work for my husband's company.  To give you an idea of how my year has gone, I've been averaging 50-60 hours of work each week.  The lack of writing is simply a lack of time.  Well...no, that's not completely true.  It isn't that I haven't had any time.  It's that I am so exhausted after work, I just don't have the mental energy to write.  It's easier to zone out and watch TV than to confront my busy heart.

It's not a good excuse.  I realize that.  It just is what my life has been as of late.  It's been really difficult to focus on anything outside of work these days.  The business is in a REALLY good place, and if we press through now and weather the changes and lack of staff for the amount of work, we will be in a great place.  Both the business and Kris and I financially.  We want to move and we are so close to making that a reality.  We just aren't there yet and the time put in now, the investment in the company, will pay off.