Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Can you learn to love again?


I think, for some, the answer to this question is no.

Some things are too hard.

Some betrayals you cannot heal from.

At least, that is the common thought these days.

But me?  I think you can learn to love again.  I think that you can come back from the dead, in a sense.  You can revive something that is old, worn out, and used up.

Monday, March 25, 2013


There is a question out there that I want to speak to, because #1. I know the answer and #2. It is a question that entirely too many people are asking themselves and others, desperate for an answer.

"Does my prodigal spouse realize the mess they have created?"

The answer to this question is both simple and complex.

I've heard it a lot in the last several months. Those hurting right now because their spouse has been unfaithful, or is an alocholic, or porn addict-this is the question they want answered. They want to know why their spouses are seemingly so much happier than they are, even though their spouse is the one living in sin. I don't propose to have an answer to the why of that, but I do understand how a prodigal's mind works. I know what it is like to be in the shoes of the prodigal who is living in sin and darkness.

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Giving up the Crutch

I love Josh Wilson.

He is an amazing lyricist.

So real.

So transparent.

His songs "Savior, Please" and "Fall Apart" have been ones that have nurtured me through this new season of growth in my life.  Recently, his testimony about his song "Carry Me" and how he wrote it out of his own anxiety and experience of panic attacks has really spoken to me.

I am the queen of anxiety.

Monday, March 18, 2013


I know it might surprise you to hear this, but I am NOT flexible.

Sometimes I wonder if I am even capable of being flexible.

For 13 years, Kris and I have been having the same fight.

It's exhausting.

Fortunately, the issues that we fight over are not spiritual or moral ones.  However, it is something that I am tired of fighting over.


We fight over work.

Friday, March 1, 2013

Leaning How to Die

About a year ago, I said the last words I would ever speak to the other man.  While the affair had ended, and I hadn't seen him in a week and a half, we did talk.

One last time.

It started over something stupid.  I initiated the conversation, expecting a simple answer.  Instead, what transpired was a 30 minute phone conversation.  We talked about our lives, and the huge changes that had taken place since we said goodbye on February 19th.  We talked about the Power of Purity conference I had attended days prior and how we felt about each other, about letting go, about saying goodbye.