Begin Again

This is not the way that it should end
It's the way it should begin
It's the way it should begin again

Those are lyrics from a song by Colbie Caillat I heard earlier into my marriage restoration process.

This concept of all the pain and fighting not ending the relationship.

Using them to start over.

To begin again.

Breathe my heart back to life

I would like to think that, with everything I have gone through in my life thus far, nothing can hurt me.

I'd like to believe that something can happen, and it can just roll off of me, causing me no distress.

I'd like to believe that I've gone through the worst pain I could go through in my life; therefore, I will never hurt again.

At first, acknowledging that the above statements just won't ring true leads me to feel weak.

Where is God in the Pain - Part 2

It is hard to think about living the rest of my life in physical pain.  If I could choose for it to just magically go away, I would choose that.  I think a lot about my past, my story.  And I can see how God has brought about beauty through the ashes.  I can say that, while I am not proud of my past, and I wish that I hadn't hurt the people I hurt, I don't regret what has come from it.  I am the person I am today because of my story.  Through the pain and all the running, God has done amazing things.  In my heart.  And in my marriage.  At times, I feel overwhelmed just thinking back through the last year and a four months.  It is a whirlwind.  And through it all, I am so grateful that Kris and I weathered the storm and have the story to tell that we do.