Be Held

Hold it all together

Everybody needs you strong

But life hits you out of nowhere

And barely leaves you holding on

And when you’re tired of fighting

Chained by your control

There’s freedom in surrender

Lay it down and let it go

If I could go back and change anything about my affair and the 7 & ½ years I spent running from God, it wouldn’t be the affair itself.  Hear me out.  I’m not saying I am proud of what I did.  I’m not saying that it was right or that I harbor some nostalgic feelings about that time in my life.  I do not.  I am actually quite disgusted by the life I lived and the things that I compromised for the sake of being “happy.”

Jesus Knows My Squirrel Suffering

I have this amazing ability to deal with the huge trials in life with dignity and peace, for the most part.

So, it always surprises me when the little things of this life get me down. And it isn't just a little sadness over this or that - it's deep, unrelenting anxiety for a time, over the smallest problems this life throws at me.

It's not secret that I hate my house. I am still in the process of learning to be content in this place I am quite literally stuck in. I'm a work in progress, especially where my home is concerned. If I tried to list all of the problems in our house it would be a short story, a very long laundry list of complaints. From the start, it was shoddy, at best. Sure, it looked great! Ready to move in. Underneath all the glitter though, the contractor who rehabbed it just saw problem after problem and chose to cover it up, not disclosing any of the issues that have haunted us these last 13 years. I'm actually quite surprised he didn't cover the horrid why-did-God-create-it-gumball tree with something, pretending it was any other kind of tree.

Music On My Mind - Let Love Win