Wednesday, June 24, 2015

Grace Wins. Every time!

Have you ever made a mistake and then spent days, months, or even years tearing yourself down and hating yourself for it?

I'm a bit of a perfectionist. I'm an over-achiever in many areas of my life. I suppose it shouldn't surprise me then that I overachieve in not only making mistakes, but punishing myself for them. And because I am a perfectionist and a rule follower, when I break the rules (i.e. living a secret life of sin for 7 1/2 years), I am my harshest critic. I heap insult upon insult upon myself, and I bear a very heavy burden of guilt.

Monday, June 15, 2015

I Believe In Resurrection

I mentioned back in February that Kris and I had the privilege of seeing Plumb perform the day that we celebrated three years of restoration.  It was an amazing concert and I have been eagerly anticipating her new album.  Now that it is out, I couldn't help but share what is probably my favorite song on the album.  Knowing that her marriage was destroyed and then gently put back together by the trusting hands of God, this song is so close to my heart.  Because our stories mirror each other in many ways.  

The devastation that Kris and I put each other through and the healing that God brought about and the resurrection he performed - she experienced these things too.  And she has the God-given ability to put her experience into song.  This song is a balm to my heart and a reminder that even though things still get tough in my marriage, what God did in and for us is nothing short of miraculous.  
Everything I have, everything I am, I owe it all to Him.  

I am nothing without Christ. 

Thursday, June 11, 2015

Joy Overflowing

One thing that really bothers me about depression is how it steals our joy.  It does it so subtly though, that we don't even realize it is happening.  This is the first real bout with depression I have had since I came home three years ago.  What really showed me where my mental state was at was my inability to weep over songs like I had been.  It was not uncommon, as you know if you've read this blog, for a song to bring me to tears while driving or in church.  It was a common occurrence once I came face to face with the reality of the Cross.

And over the last few months, I found that while I could still appreciate the words of different songs and know the truth of the Cross, I wasn't FEELING it.  That's the thing with depression.  It disrupts what you feel.  It leaves you callous and really for me, removes most feeling, leaving me apathetic to life.  Waves of sadness or despair come and go, and then once again I'm left not caring about anyone or anything.

Wednesday, June 10, 2015

Depression Takes Its Toll

Nearly three months is the longest span of time between blog posts for me, typically.  I'm sure there is a clever way I could explain it away, or maybe a funny story to tell you about why I've been away.  However, I've never been one to shy away from honesty with this so I'll just tell you the real truth behind my absence.



I said it.

The big, ugly "d-word."