Wednesday, February 19, 2014

I Want A Life

I love anything sung by Lennon and Maisy Stella. I do watch and enjoy the show Nashville-it is an added bonus that these awesome young and extremely talented sisters perform on a few episodes. So tonight, as I reflect on my day, and the two years that Kris and I have experienced restoration and redemption, as well as renewed love, my mind goes back to a song on the newest Nashville soundtrack. The lyrics fit right in with where my life is at right now, and it seems sufficient to close out the night with this video and the lyrics. I never want to forget to cherish each blessing in my life.

Thursday, February 13, 2014

Peace In The Darkness

I just can't believe
Where my life was at
All that I know is that my heart was broken
And I don't ever want to go back

Those lyrics are from a new MercyMe song called "Shake" - a song that I don't truly care for. Maybe if I liked to dance I could appreciate the song in its entirety, but no. However, I do love the first four lines. This is how I feel. Often, I find myself comparing where I was to where I am now. Not just during the affair until now, but also as I grew up and began my walk with Christ. I see who I was in college, and how much I have changed. How much my faith and my understanding of God has grown. I suppose that's quite normal. It's just that I remember that idealistic college girl who took the Bible at its word, didn't question anything God said in it, and dreamed of some day working in some remote Indian village in another country.

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Reflections Of The Past

I read an article over on Intentionally Yours today called "I Ruined Valentine's Day."  It is written by a man named David who made some bad choices in his life.  It is his reflection on how confessing his sin to his wife on Valentine's Day tarnished the implied joy the day should bring.  We all know that Valentine's Day is a day for love, for couples to celebrate that love.  So for David, it was devastating to his relationship that this bomb was dropped on that particular day.  And yet, at the same time, David found hope that day.  In the eyes and heart of his wife, he found forgiveness and it was just the beginning of a fresh start for his marriage.

What is it about Valentine's Day and confessing sin?  As I sit here and reflect on my own life, I find that today marks two years since my husband found out about my affair.  Two years since I turned my back on my marriage and was ready to give up and bring out the word we had always refused to allow into our vocabulary:  divorce.

I was done.

Saturday, February 8, 2014

I Hate Pornography

I HATE pornography.

The word "hate" isn't even strong enough to encompass the depth of repulsion I feel towards it.

There is nothing good about pornography.

You know, I have read in books and heard other people agree that pornography can make a marriage or sexual relationship better.  When we were much younger, before we had kids, Kris and I went through a period of time where we tried to prove this idea.  Because he struggled with it, and couldn't seem to escape it, we thought that maybe if we watched it together (thinking then he wouldn't be hiding in sin alone) and were intimate with one another that it could enhance our sexual experience.

There is nothing to say besides this:  it did not help.

Friday, February 7, 2014

Refusing The Remedy

Motherhood is rewarding.

Having children can bring great joy to your life.

But do you know what I used to hate when my kids were little?