Raising Children In A Gender-Confused World

I have been trying to write this post for several days now.  It's difficult to find the right words, without sparking a heated debate on a controversial subject.  I try to stay away from confrontation or from opening myself up to it.  Unless it's with my husband or kids, I avoid confrontation whenever possible.  I am too emotional and find that I cannot communicate well when I am pushed beyond my limit.

But I was faced with a situation recently that I am still not sure how to handle going forward.  I feel ill-equipped to tackle it head on and to do so with the right answer.

We are raising children in a society that allows anything to be called moral, as long as it feels okay to the person making up the rules.  As a parent, I haven't quite figured out how to keep my kids safe and instill the values I hold, at the same time teaching them to show God's love and grace to the people they come in contact with.

When Your Daughter Feels Insecure

You hate to see your children suffer.  As a parent, you want to gather your children under your wing and protect them from all the bad in the world.  I find myself in a place where, as a mother, I am not sure how to navigate.  From time to time, one or more of my children (and not just the girls though this post is about them) exhibit signs of insecurity or feeling bad about how they look or their personality or any number of other things that girls and women wrestle with.  These feelings all stem from lies that the world tells them, that they tell themselves, or that the devil whispers in their ears, in an attempt to tear them down at an early, pivotal age in their development.

Refusing The Remedy

Motherhood is rewarding.

Having children can bring great joy to your life.

But do you know what I used to hate when my kids were little?

Medicine.

Another Christmas

Christmas is my favorite time of year. From the music to the tree, to the joy of watching my kids experience what, to them, is still the wonder of Christmas. Christmas is all about hope. It's about that ultimate gift of hope that was given to us 2,000 years ago. In the form of a tiny baby. Jason Gray writes, in his song "Children Again:"

But for every present left under a tree
There are things that we hoped for and never received
And the years and the yearning can make us forget
To be filled with wonder instead of regret

Mom Guilt: I'm A Failure

Most of you know what in talking about when I use these two words: mom guilt.  Moms have a tenancy to feel guilty about everything.  This is something that, despite all that I have learned, I still struggle with.  When faced with this guilt, a common lie that we believe is this:

I'm a failure.

When the kids were younger and I was a stay at home mom, life was extremely difficult.  I had three children under the age of three, for what seemed like ten years!  I was tired all the time, battling depression, and I yelled.  A lot.  Truthfully, I still yell.  It is a daily battle for me.  At that point in my life, especially after adding a fourth toddler in the mix, there was always a lot of guilt cluttering my mind.

The Dreaded Sex Talk

I'm not one to write lengthy blog posts about great sex or ways to improve intimacy within marriage through sex.  While I believe that it is vitally important and a wonderful gift from God, I'll leave that to the other Christian bloggers out there who are as passionate about that topic as I am about hope and freedom and redemption.

But I do want to talk about sex.

Specifically when it comes to how it impacts my children.

Because this world scares me.

Family Tree

I received an email recently from a woman who is living with collateral damage.  And while emailing back and forth, it occurs to me that I need to share this with everyone. 

It's never too late. 

NEVER.

You know, Kris is teaching our son to avert his eyes.  He is teaching him that there is so much sex out there.  He is helping him to understand that it is not good for his eyes to view it.  Something will come on TV and my son will say "Eww..." and turn away.  He wonders why people would dress the way the do. 

When Kris was Kaleb's age, he was looking for something to watch on TV that showed women in tight clothing.  He was fueling his mind with what would turn into two decades of addiction.  From generation to generation, men have passed their sin and addiction onto their children, even if they didn't realize they were doing it.

But that stops with us.

Love is not a fight

So many of my friends are experiencing "issues" in their marriages.  It breaks my heart.  You know that song "Jesus, Friend of Sinners"?  There is a line in there that says "break my heart for what breaks yours."  And broken marriages are breaking my heart.  I think they break Jesus' heart too.

I know that every situation is different.  I know that every marriage can't survive what Kris and I have survived (or worse) and that there are always other factors that will make it difficult to STAY married.  Getting out seems like such an easy answer.  I never thought I would want to get out of my marriage.  Until 8 months ago.  8 months ago, I seriously thought "Can I do this alone, or should I try one more time to fix what is broken?"

What about the kids?

By now you know much of my story.

I left home for a short period of time after Kris found out about my affair.

I left behind four children.

I didn't just leave without talking to them though.  I knew that they would need some sort of explanation for why I was going to be gone.

If this had happened four years ago, the kids would have been too young to really understand anything that was going on, except for the oldest, maybe.

If this had happened when they were 16 and older, that is an entirely different story.  I honestly believe that, depending on each child and what they could handle, we likely would have told them what happened.

But as it is, my children, once the birthdays are all over in 2 weeks, will be 7, 10, 11, and 12.

How do they process the fact that mommy is leaving for a while?