Making new memories

Last night began a 24 hour birthday celebration for my husband, Kris.  A few days ago, I told him that I couldn't even remember what we did last year for his birthday.  He responded, with a sad look in his eyes, "I do."  It was then that I remembered we had spent the evening with friends that he would rather forget.  It brought to the forefront of my mind all of my sin and shame, as I remember WHO it was that had shared his birthday with us.  So ever since then, this thought of making new memories has been on my mind.

Second Chances

There is a line towards the end of the movie "What Women Want" that says this:

"It's never too late to do the right thing."

Do you believe this?

I know now that there is an entire world of marriage bloggers out there that understand this truth.  Because they have all been there.  They have made mistakes.  They understand what it is like to screw up.  They've had broken marriages.  Broken lives.

And we all share something in common.

We are all surviving the aftermath of broken marriages, and have come out on the other side.  Stronger people.  Our faith in God restored.  Our marriages healed and made even better than we ever thought would be possible.

We all experienced SECOND CHANCES.

Hosea and Gomer

I can remember, while I was still hiding my prolonged affair, asking my husband if he ever got angry, thinking back to the affair he KNEW about.  He would tell me that sometimes he thought about it, but most of the time, it didn't even come to his mind.  He would also tell me, as I would be weeping thinking he MUST be only seeing "the affair" when he looked at me, that I was wrong. He didn't look at me and see the affair and feel the hurt I had caused him.  He would reassure me and tell me that he loved me and that was that.

I wonder if that is just the way men are wired, or if my husband was just given an extra measure of  grace, a deeper insight of what it means to be my Hosea.  That's how I see him, by the way.  As my Hosea.  

Irrevocable decisions

A question to answer:

What is a decision that has irrevocably changed your life?

The first thing I wanted to do when I read this was laugh.

I thought "Haven't I been writing about this very thing?"

I could say that the thing that irrevocably changed my life was choosing to have an affair.

Or maybe that I chose to continue that affair for over seven years.

Or that I left my husband and family back in February.

Loving When It Hurts

It all began on June 5, 1999.

That is to say that the wedding took place that day.

Our life together began, officially.

Place me like a seal over your heart,
    like a seal on your arm;
for love is as strong as death,
    its jealousy unyielding as the grave.
It burns like blazing fire,
    like a mighty flame.
Many waters cannot quench love;
    rivers cannot sweep it away.
Song of Solomon 8:6-7

And while we didn't know it at the time, a full-scale war for our marriage began that day as well.

We were young and "in love."

And we were stupid.