An Explanation and An Apology

I know it has been at least nine months since I've written anything.  A year ago, I went back to work for my husband's company.  To give you an idea of how my year has gone, I've been averaging 50-60 hours of work each week.  The lack of writing is simply a lack of time.  Well...no, that's not completely true.  It isn't that I haven't had any time.  It's that I am so exhausted after work, I just don't have the mental energy to write.  It's easier to zone out and watch TV than to confront my busy heart.

It's not a good excuse.  I realize that.  It just is what my life has been as of late.  It's been really difficult to focus on anything outside of work these days.  The business is in a REALLY good place, and if we press through now and weather the changes and lack of staff for the amount of work, we will be in a great place.  Both the business and Kris and I financially.  We want to move and we are so close to making that a reality.  We just aren't there yet and the time put in now, the investment in the company, will pay off.

But my heart has and will always be with this blog.  I should make more of an effort, but I am also trying not to beat myself up for not taking the time to write these last nine months.  I do see this as a ministry and for those of you still reading, for those still wanting to see new posts, I will return more regularly.  Some day.  Hopefully soon.  I miss getting my thoughts out and really evaluating where I am at spiritually and emotionally.  Truth be told, without this blog, without posting regularly, I'm probably not in as good of a place as I usually am with the regular writing.

It's a flaw.  It's a weakness.  Giving in to the exhaustion instead of doing what I know my heart needs.  So just know, when I go quiet, the world is getting the better of me.  As always, I'm laying it all out there.  This is me, and this is where I am at in life right now.  But I do promise, like I am sure I did the last time, to try to be better.  To write more.

So this song, it's really a message I want to get through to myself more than anything else tonight.  It's a reminder to me, to slow down and breathe.  Hopefully it will bless you as it has me.

Alarm clock screaming bare feet hit the floor
It’s off to the races everybody out the door
I’m feeling like I’m falling behind, it’s a crazy life

Ninety miles an hour going fast as I can
Trying to push a little harder trying to get the upper hand
So much to do in so little time, it’s a crazy life
It’s ready, set, go it’s another wild day
When the stress is on the rise in my heart I feel you say just

Breathe, just breathe
Come and rest at my feet
And be, just be
Chaos calls but all you really need
Is to just breathe

Third cup of joe just to get me through the day
Want to make the most of time but I feel it slip away
I wonder if there’s something more to this crazy life
I’m busy, busy, busy, and it’s no surprise to see
That I only have time for me, me, me
There’s gotta be something more to this crazy life
I’m hanging on tight to another wild day
When it starts to fall apart in my heart I hear you say just

Breathe, just breathe
Come and rest at my feet
And be, just be
Chaos calls but all you really need

Is to take it in, fill your lungs
The peace of God that overcomes
Just breathe (just breathe)
let your weary spirit rest
Lay down what’s good and find what’s best
Just breathe (just breathe)

Just breathe, just breathe
Come and rest at my feet
And be, just be
Chaos calls but all you really need
Is to just breathe
Just breathe