For All The Prodigals (and those that love them)

This post is written to both the prodigals running from God, and to those who love the prodigals.  It is not directed at any one person, but is a response to a heaviness on my heart for all those who are standing for their marriages, and it is my hope that you can gain a better understanding of what may be going on in the heart and mind of your lost one.

All of Me

While at work last week, while I had Google music shuffling, I heard Matt Hammitt's "All of Me."  I shot Kris a quick chat, to share with him how grateful I was that we were together, and tears welled up in my eyes and I had to just say "I love you.  I can't talk about this right now."  I was at work, and I have only been there three months, so a complete meltdown at my desk may not be a good sign of emotional stability!

Then the next day, as I was sitting in my van, reading an e-book about sex of all things, I found myself on the brink of tears.  I can't explain why that should move me to tears, and as I tried to understand what I was feeling, the closest I could come was that perhaps I was just grateful once again for Kris and everything that God has done in our marriage these last 10+ months.

This week I have received several emails of encouragement, where women have heard or read my story and are finding hope.  So, while sometimes some may consider what I share to be too much, I know that I am doing what is right, what God has called me to.

The question of why

I've been hearing the same question over and over again lately. 

Why?

Why do I have to wait?

Why is this so hard?

Why can't my marriage just be whole again, NOW?

Why would I have to wait for years for God to do what I have been asking for?

Making new memories

Last night began a 24 hour birthday celebration for my husband, Kris.  A few days ago, I told him that I couldn't even remember what we did last year for his birthday.  He responded, with a sad look in his eyes, "I do."  It was then that I remembered we had spent the evening with friends that he would rather forget.  It brought to the forefront of my mind all of my sin and shame, as I remember WHO it was that had shared his birthday with us.  So ever since then, this thought of making new memories has been on my mind.

Whatever You're Doing...

Today is a hard day.  I can't explain it fully, because I am not even sure I understand it myself.  It started yesterday, and I really feel like it is God pressing down on my heart.  There is something He wants me to see.  Something He wants me do.  And I don't know how to do it.  I mean, I've been doing it for nine months, as I have been drawing close to God, but I can tell that He wants something more.

He wants me to pray.  More than I have been.

It may not seem like much to you, but what He wants me to pray for is crazy. 

Okay, maybe "crazy" is a little extreme.

For two days, I have felt this heavy weight on me.  Yesterday, as I thought through it all, the enemy was quick to attack.  I had a really difficult drive home from work last night.  Different thoughts and memories came flooding into my mind.  The enemy was whispering, "Go ahead.  Indulge.  Just a little.  Remember." 

I was screaming inside, "I DON'T WANT TO REMEMBER!  It's too horrible.  What I did was so shameful."

Honored

Since I started this blog ministry in September, I have been blessed so much by the many devoted men and women I have met (virtually anyway).  People committed to God, to marriage, to offering hope to a broken world.  One of those people I am growing closer to is a woman named Sherry, who manages with her husband (and I believe one other couple) a site called Intentionally Yours.  The subtitle on this website is "Until every home is a godly home" and I just love that.  What a great goal to have for a marriage ministry!

Communication Skills

To some, communication is a dreaded word.  Feared even.  To others, who are practicing it regularly, it can sometimes just seem a minor inconvenience.  I would love to find the person who tells me that communication is EASY.  I'm not just talking about spewing forth your feelings in a raging outburt, with no thought for how the words will be taken by the hearer.  I'm curious if there are any COUPLES specifically that think that communication is the easiest part of their marriage.  For most of us, I would venture that communication in and of itself is the most difficult aspect of making a marriage work.  Kris and I can communicate left and right.  Especially on the little things, or even spiritual matters.  Even about our past.