Inside My Heart - Day 2

Never fear, I have another song for you!  This week, my goal is to post songs about hope and focus on remaining strong and living in peace with everyone, running after peace.

I wish that I was not sitting here writing about the tragic situation in Ferguson, MO.  But it is hard to be unaffected by something that is so close to home, and worse, something that continues to escalate.  This post has nothing to do with my opinion.  I do have one, but this isn't the time or the place for it.

New Group Coming

Yesterday, I had another blessed opportunity to write a post for Intentionally Yours.  You can find that, post, entitled "Without Running Away," HERE.  In addition to that, I feel like God is calling me to pray for different people, in specific detail.  Many of whom I have found on the Intentionally Standing Facebook page.  I want to pray for them by name, and I want to pray for you too.  If you have a prayer need, please leave it in the comments below, or message me.  I would love to add you to the list of people that I am praying for.  Part of my call is to write, and another part is to pray.  So, give me what you need prayers for and let's work together to achieve God's will!

Whatever You're Doing...

Today is a hard day.  I can't explain it fully, because I am not even sure I understand it myself.  It started yesterday, and I really feel like it is God pressing down on my heart.  There is something He wants me to see.  Something He wants me do.  And I don't know how to do it.  I mean, I've been doing it for nine months, as I have been drawing close to God, but I can tell that He wants something more.

He wants me to pray.  More than I have been.

It may not seem like much to you, but what He wants me to pray for is crazy. 

Okay, maybe "crazy" is a little extreme.

For two days, I have felt this heavy weight on me.  Yesterday, as I thought through it all, the enemy was quick to attack.  I had a really difficult drive home from work last night.  Different thoughts and memories came flooding into my mind.  The enemy was whispering, "Go ahead.  Indulge.  Just a little.  Remember." 

I was screaming inside, "I DON'T WANT TO REMEMBER!  It's too horrible.  What I did was so shameful."

Love Never Fails

"To Exhaustion...and Beyoooond..." (said in the best Buzz Lightyear impression I hear in my head...)

That's the adult battle cry.

At least, that's how it feels for us lately.

Kris and I fought a lot during the last week.  It was primarily me, as always.  But that isn't even why I'm writing.

I'm writing tonight because something is on my heart.  On the way home from work tonight, I was heavily under attack.  Thoughts came into my mind that I didn't want.  Memories.  Things from my past threatened to swallow me.  It kept building and building, and as much as I tried to focus on something else or pray, it was persistent.

Read my mind!

Do you ever just wish that your spouse could read your mind?

Do you wish they would just know what you want without having to tell them?

Me neither.

In all seriousness though, I am struggling with this.

I want Kris to just KNOW.  I want him to magically have all the answers.  I want him to guess what I want without having to speak it.  I want him to be God, I guess...

And I get upset with Kris for NOT BEING GOD!  For not having all the answers.  For not doing exactly what I want, the way I want it, without me having to speak the words aloud.

Does anyone else go through this?