Monday, June 23, 2014

At A Crossroads

It's so hard to watch your children flounder.  As a parent, you want to do everything in your power to protect your child.  Whether it be from bullies or hardship, or their own mistakes, we want the best for our kids, don't we?

I never imagined that I would agonize as much as I do over my son and his schooling.  Some of you know what we went through with our son just after Christmas.  I didn't write much about it, and still want to be careful how much I share because I don't want to hurt my son, now twelve.

But he struggles.  Emotionally.  He spent a week in a facility after Christmas and into the new year trying to get some things sorted out.  The last six months have been a roller coaster, even more than the entire twelve years of my son's life.  It's been a struggle for all of us, and it has been exhausting.

Photo taken from

And now, we are faced with a decision.  Having been bullied beyond what I would have thought possible, and seemingly lost in a system who does not put God first, public school is no longer an option for him.  Kris and I both feel strongly on this point.  So we only have two options.  Homeschooling (the far less expensive option) or private school.  We thought for sure we were going to home school.  It's just no possible right now for me to stay home though, and I felt no peace about our son going with Kris to work.  I just felt like he may need more attention than what Kris would be able to give, and Kris knows me well enough to know that it would be too straining on my relationship with our son if I were to stay home with him.  Even if money were no issue.

So we are, once again, leaning towards sending just our son to private school.  Ideally, with money being no object, we'd send all four to private school again.  But we just are not in that position.  So now comes the mad rush to decide which school will cause the least strain on our finances, and then the attempt to re-think the budget and try to figure out where all the money will come from.

I don't feel worried about it.  I believe that God has called us to remove him from public school and I believe that God will provide the means for whatever path we wind up on.  I wish things were different, but if they were, then I have to wonder if I would really put myself in the position I am in now where all I can do is rely on God's provision.

Last night was really rough for Kris and I, emotionally.  We had a meltdown of sorts, Kris included, that ended up with us promptly putting our trust back where it belongs - in God's capable hands.  And then, over lunch today, I heard a song (of course!) that confirmed God's provision for us, both emotionally and financially.

I had never heard this song before, but the simple message in it really spoke to my heart.  I pray it speaks to yours as well.

God is
God is
Greater than the fear you're facing
Greater than the storm that's raging
God is
God is
With you when you cry
So cry out His name
'Cause God is greater than the pain

Please pray with me that we choose the right school for our son, and that our faith does not waiver when it comes to trusting God for the means.  And please pray that our son finds one or two GOOD Christian boys that will be the "right" kind of friend to him.  I long for him to have this and it breaks my heart that he doesn't.


  1. Choosing a school is absolutely agonizing. I'm getting a small taste of what it must be like, in the process of choosing just a daycare. Praying for peace for your family...