Wednesday, November 12, 2014

Rest in the Chaos

I find myself almost never logging into my blog these days.  I'll hear a song, or read something cool that is on my heart to speak to, but either I'm just really exhausted or not able to take the time to sit down and write about it.  We're at this junction in our lives where almost every night is filled with something:  Girl Scouts, choir concert, after-school activities that throw everything off, worship practice that I'm now involved in at church.  My work days seem so long, as I am still battling daily pain (though it is considerably better than it was) and when I have an evening to just be home relaxing, I just want to sit and veg, watching TV or playing a game with the kids.  And deep down I know that I shouldn't beat myself up about not writing here consistently, but it starts to eat at me when so much time passes between posts.  There is a feeling of letting people down, even though I know this blog doesn't have a huge following of hundreds of people.

On the other hand, I know that God uses my writing sometimes to inspire hope in others or to speak directly to their hearts.  His words.  Not mine.  So then I wonder, "Am I just being lazy and not doing the work God has called me to do?  Am I just making excuses, thus indulging in sin by NOT doing the good I know I ought to be doing?"

And in those moments, God does speaks his words of peace into my heart and I can rest knowing that his plans will not be thwarted just because I do not speak all the time.  Even the best of intentions don't always mean consistency with this blog.  I've been writing for just over two years now and I tend to go through phases.  Some months I write nearly every day, and then others, more within the last year, I struggle to take the time that I DO have and write what's on my heart.

So today, I'm just reflecting on all of this and how chaotic my life feels and am reminded of a song by Kristian Stanfill.  There is a line in there that I always feel I can relate to, a line that says "chaos abounding."

And in the very next line, I read/hear the message my heart truly needs:  "My soul will rest in you."

The entire message of the song seems to hang on this concept of a war or battle, or a struggle.  And maybe for you there is something major, something huge and leaving you unable to understand or see beyond the next breath.  Or perhaps, like me, you just feel like life is sweeping past you, going so fast you can't even think.  Whatever the reason, this song is relevant.

Our God will not delay.

He is our refuge and strength.


I will not fear.

His promise is true.

My God will come through, always.


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