Thursday, September 20, 2018

Asking For Help - The Impossible Tasks

A friend and I were talking recently about impossible tasks.  She had read an article which detailed a conversation that took place on Twitter and went viral.  It had to do with depression and every day tasks that are impossible for some of us.  I didn't actually read the article until today.  When I did, I thought, "Wait...this is...normal?"

I had no idea that other people struggled with this.  For some, depression manifests itself as sleeping all day, withdrawing from others, anxiety, and any other number of things.  I don't sleep well at all, so my depression has never come out in the form of sleeping all the time.

When my friend and I were talking (and she was telling me about her list of impossible tasks and how she tries to do one of them each day), I thought the article was about making a list and trying to do those things.  I did not realize that the whole point of the article was that there are a ton of other people who struggle with completing seemingly simple tasks.

I have beat myself up for so many years over my own impossible tasks.  I have concluded that I am lazy or somehow less than all the other "normal" people out there who don't struggle to take kids to the doctor or worse, make a phone call just to schedule an appointment.  I have held on to tremendous guilt over being incapable most days to complete even the simplest things.

And now here is someone telling me that it's okay that I have impossible tasks and what's more, there are so many other people out there battling with this same thing.  Not only that, the author of the tweets was basically saying that's it's okay to have these impossible tasks, and it's okay if I don't do anything on my list.

I put SO much on my husband already.  He takes care of nearly everything that requires us to function as adults.  And the thought of asking him to help with one more thing is in its own way, an impossible task.

This latest bout of depression I've been battling for the last several months has manifested itself in extreme anxiety and the inability to complete impossible tasks.  Here are a few of my impossible tasks:

Call to schedule appointments of any kind (for myself or my family)
Drive kids where they need or want to be
Call my mom (or really anyone for that matter)
Put my clothes away
Socialize, even in a work setting
Take a shower/wash my hair
Be kind
Talk (most days when I do force myself to get up and get into the office, it takes all of my energy just to speak to people)
Go to the grocery store
Ask for help

Sometimes I think I get so wrapped up in all the things I can't or don't do that I forget who God says that I am.  Sometimes, especially when I'm drowning in that darkness that goes hand in hand with depression, it's hard to even keep my head above water, let alone find confidence or reaffirm who I really am.  These lies take over and I can't hear the truth and it's exhausting to even take another step, let alone trust God and remind myself of who I am in him.

I think that's why the song below comes to mind.  In some of my lowest moments, this song brings me comfort.  Because sometimes just knowing you're not alone is an impossible task.

Let me know that You hear me
Let me know Your touch
Let me know that You love me
Let that be enough

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