Monday, July 1, 2013


I love writing.  I really do.  I love the way that the tension or joy or passion that builds up inside of me just explodes onto the page.  And the way that I feel when I am done.  Like I have been emptied.  In a good way.  Like I have held in something to the point where I can take it no longer, and then I can sit and just let it all out.  Let it all go.  Writing is therapeutic for me.

For several days I have been feeling down.  Not depressed.  But not happy either.  I have seen posts on Facebook that make my heart ache.  Posts that swing from one topic to the next, from a large collection of people in my social circles.  And I am sitting here trying to process WHY I feel saddened.  And I still don't have an answer.  I suspect that a large part of it is simply the fact that I was ready to get back to work (which I did today).

I had a recent comment on my blog post about Hosea and Gomer, and as I was reading it and responding to it, I glanced through that post and just got to thinking how happy I am when I am writing.  How fulfilling it is for me to take what is in my heart and express it through words.  How God has given me this ministry to tell my story and to be open and transparent so that others will learn that it is okay, and essential to life, to be truthful in all things.  And how God has also given me opportunities to be a part of Intentionally Yours, and write periodically over there.  Most recently, I wrote about a song I have always loved called "Come and Rest."

If I had to choose just ONE thing (though there are so many more!) that I have learned from my story, though it would be hard to narrow down, it would have to be honesty.

Being truthful.

Living in the light.

Though they are phrased different, those are all the same.

It's all about truth.

And it isn't just from living seven years full of lies that has led me to this.

It is about what has happened in my heart throughout this last year and a half and every single lesson that I have learned and every blessing I have received can be pinpointed back to truth in some fashion.

When I was struggling with memories from being in the arms of another man, healing only came from focusing on TRUTH.  The truth in God's word about taking every thought captive and making it obedient to Christ.  And the truth I live by, in telling my husband when I am struggling with these things.  The truth in discussing temptations that I face, and in listening to the truth in my husband's own confessions.

It always amazes me how much I hated lying.

My entire life.

When Kris started lying to me about his pornography addiction, it infuriated me.  I mean, I was LIVID.


And yet, the liar I became.  Lying was what I did.  I was either really good at it, or my husband was always just too eager to believe the best in every single person, even when he suspected he shouldn't.  Maybe it was a mixture of both.  In the end, when all is said and done, I STILL HATE LYING.

This song below talks about lying and how it changes us, and our circumstances.

My goal in this short life I have been given is to be truthful in all that I do.  To live in the light, and to live in such a way that the love and light of Christ exude from me.  I want to use truth, through sharing my story, to help others.  I won't hide behind the guilt and shame of what I have done, simply because I fear someone will judge me or de-friend me on Facebook!  I cannot say clearly or passionately enough how important living a transparent life is.  And how rewarding.

Kris and I talk about this concept a lot.  How when we hide things (lies, sin, temptations), we feel tension.  We grow farther apart, and we are short-tempered with one another and tend to pull away.  On the other hand, when we are transparent, when we share an alliance of truth (even if there is a fear that it will hurt the other), there is so much dialog and peace and ultimately, blessing.

I want to live a life of truth, fearless and unmasked.  


  1. I know what you mean by feeling down at times. This feeling of incompleteness. As if something is missing and you don't know what it is.
    And writing helps that a lot. As a teen I filled lots of notebooks, and now as an adult, I fill blog pages. :)

    1. Even with God in my heart, I still have difficult days where the enemy's whispers sound louder than God's shouts! But writing definitely allows me to gets some new perspective and put things back into focus.